how do i hold you in how do i hold it out the world is crashing in here i am still here i am still here and i am
lonely without and moving you within you saw me when i couldn't see myself so now i hold you in now i hold you in and now i breathe to be with you a breath of me a breath of we how do i explain how do i explain you saw me when i couldn't see myself and i breathe you in and i breathe you in and i breathe how do i explain
they come to me the vestal virgins let down your hair they will wash away my day they'll clean all that i've done and they'll take my hand once more but i'm not going home i'm no prodigal son i carry with me a container brimming with salt so i'll never have to look they'll say things but i want to be the one who finds freedom growing near me and i crucified all my tendencies i need more don't ask me to be pure and i'm not going home i'm no prodigal son this way this way on the way to hades i got my hands in my pocket my hands on my rifle and i never needed and i never asked you for any bit of truth but believe me, believe me believe me when i say that i don't need you to save me i'm falling falling i'm going down to the twelve circles down further where you may invoke me the die is cast and i'm not going home don't you ask me cause i'm not going home i'm not the prodigal son
do i want to hurt less do you carry my tears do i waste screams do i waste my razor it won't judge i cut it out of me i cut it out i cut out the feeling one two three four four is four times before you came through the door i'll endure like a soldier and i do what i have to do and you do what you have to do don't ask if you don't want to see my pain it bleeds out of me it's like a game who decides i must lose look at my face you ask where i went but i'll not be cut down by you you fool you see i got a razor and i don't care what they say about healthy feelings because i cut out the feeling and you do what have to do and i ghost don't you know you can't get my feeling
i know you were better than i ever was i stand in the threshold and i use your runes don't tell me how to feel don't tell me i don't feel i pushed it down without my dramadies without my animal desire design i put it up and i let it all out and i learn i learn all the slender pieces of me i tossed in the lake i don't want anyone i don't want my selves so sorry isn't the sparrow turned dove holy disgraced i drink it i drink it i am enough in it it isn't like you came you came to say that you'd save me slender blade of grass that i am said to me you must save your own sorry ass and i ... here is a drink for the time that i tried and i've a scar all down my spine and here is a drink for the kisses that came out all sludge on my face oh god here is a drink for the one that i asked for i asked would you consider this sorry that i learned gravity by flinging every piece of me into every wall sorry i learned the gravity of statement by hurting you by throwing words against the wall how am i to be heard i hope you forgive me wherever you are for presuming you knew what you couldn't know i was stupid as you unwound my bandages wondering how far i bled
in my little mote of light i can't see you're lying to me to get me to wipe the world away as i made my way and no one knows i'm here no one knows or cares running running howling at the moon let me out he asked me do i believe in what in what i said in what am i nothing am i less then my only mote of dust in the light in the light i see earth split open see me and my little seed going down to ground ask my now do you believe it's like a slap it's like a slaked gun in the dark in my heart like a gun and memory is a trickery thing it slips inside and then it lays its babies and i need them out i need to remember less and be more when i remember it is over remember memories can lack meaning be like motes of dust in the air do you sow don't you know? you were the one i clung to he was the one that held it under held it under went inside became my enemy and i don't need to breathe got it all and slipping out of the door don't you worry it isn't here it is a story ask me do i believe do i do i do i
ask me to explain myself i have my selves on a shelf oh dissected and labeled and i will not let you catalog them reassess them readdress them let's not get our panties in a bunch over it it's like i've got a fix isolated i would like to state that every bit of repressed memory is gone for a reason i don't need them or you not when i divide myself into a few and i can see colours brighter then you when i take a drink i take a smoke i take a fix and you'll never know the hidden meanings after all it's gone i would like to state for the record when i took it when i took my overdose there is nothing you could do
i will recycle just like you taught me to and i drink down that bitter draught till i couldn't see you i needed your love i called out and called out and i begged for you down at the bottom down in the well yes please would you give a bucket and a shilling oh all my life see how i'm wing sore crumbled at your feet i'd like to soar; i am broken taste of your tongue the crude caress of the lies taste of your tears the fire of bribes you cried my name and now it's bitter and bitter it tastes tastes tastes oh, my life i hold my head high it's gone what i relied on it's gone in the blink of the eye and i drink i drink i drink i drink til i can't hardly remember the things you insist; recycle your name don't i know i am unowned i am carved down the middle of me so why does it taste so bitter and bitter is all that it tastes and i am unsure winding whys in a procession of your denials i know what i am the tip of my tongue bitter you taught me to recycle my heart beat
I Call You
I call you I call you I call you I call you. Invoking You see Don’t ask me more Don’t ask me I’m fallen I am mourning I am prayers to Deep silence More! you call You don’t hear the science… Do you wait here for this moment On your knees On your knees To beseech a god not listening Justice isn’t happening It is bleeding More! you goddess
i kept a lot of secrets i kept a lot of keys I've kept it all inside of me and now it's coming out they asked me to remember words and i remembered them and i remembered better all the things not said and footsteps the sound of footsteps nearing me and footsteps and footsteps nearing me they said to me He'll never give you more than you can take so take this and prove your faith i remember every word and i remember all the things not said and footsteps and footsteps there's footsteps
All the world will learn what we have Here it is clear air to shine our scales Promise me brave promises Promises you will save the birds Broken way wings Brave reckless friends Shed my skin Shed my skin I’ll be a snake then Be reborn dragon Don’t deny me now Push past the fear Then over the cliff To the ocean Ocean tide is in my blood Salt in skin revel back Living is dangerous Don’t keep me on land And say It is for my own protection I wrap skeins of new flesh Over bruises See love, I laugh it is my Own Cull away too tight hands
i flew away so quickly i couldn't let you near me i'd stay
i flew away so quickly i couldn't let you stop me it's your bruise
when i close my eyes i'm still bleeding
and don't ask me why i am leaving when i cover my eyes it's not shame and it's gonna be a long time to feel alright
don't i know i ask it all don’t look at that don’t look at this it’s what was in the dark and I’m afraid every time i can see my face i see you See you That’s why
i flew away so quickly i couldn't let you near me i broke it all and i couldn’t let you near me i needed to break free Fine It’s all yours Here i need to let you go i loved you until i lost me at your door
i don't believe you there is so much more to see there is so much more to be than here you call me dear don't ask me why again it's been a long day and it's going to be longer now he knows but he pretends silence in this quiet don't you say another word quiet, quiet it's not going to work this time i got quiet... ahhhh!
The Stain Is so New
you are fragile too You can fuck my name into the girls that you find convince me of your sensitivity where eternity is lying blackens and you are fragile as a bird and the cage of your ribs keeps me out and i could not be responsible i could not forgive myself and i need someone that i can push back i need someone who can stand when i break down who knows when i can't be scoffed at when i am learning my way and you were always so needy with your hands reaching grasping to be my eternity and you can pretend that it was perfect and you can pretend but it is not true it is not you the stain is so new it is only brown at the edges and i'm still waiting for you to come down and i need someone i can beat and i need someone who don't mind the heat you know every you know everything and still you don't understand.
Tangled Sadness was coming over me I need to be alone awhile Simply put, I forgot myself I would be anything at all to make You stay Don’t you leave this up to me I’ll fuck it up Like I do everything I thought I was free of this thing But I’m as tangled as when you First came And I’m still the same I don’t belong to myself Not even in name.
Creature mother Come to nurture Are you hungry Not enough to feed On your vanity Creature mother I was kept young, I was kept ignorant But I should have looked I should have been clever Clever as Pandora And I could have Loved you And I could have Saved you But I am a wrecking ball Creature mother A yearning for what They are holding that is Not in my arms Throwing flint where the Spark meets darkness Dropping You me you me and If I drown in the silence You will throw me a voice Creature mother
Rosary Counting i am walking towards my disaster i am walking heel to toe and i am afraid of nothing i am my own but he has taken he didn't ask he did not ask he has taken did not ask but i am splitting off my cells white and red reminding of Canada the one left scorched the one left virgin drinking gin drinking blood between you and me i don't know myself i have a mystery stirring with me a question heart marked by constant doubt do i receive just deceit am i now swallowing disaster's seed now blooming in a garden wrapped around my feet the vines are flowering blood at the root soaking through making amends for what i'll do hear her now saying though they are few they are roses rosary counting.
With eyes that open Just enough to see I am a doll With eyes that open but Just enough to see Never enough to go (I have to leave) See you now in my Dreams and now I’ve learned I can scream And now again again I crawl awake saying Hey it’s ok I’m still me Say that I’ll never get out Of this Say that I’ll never know what Hit me but I’ll know what hit me It was you
And no truth is held firm It pours out like this waterfall Like this waterfall Walk way today Down the trail and Leave a way to find In the vines The footsteps that I’ll find Taking me down the path to Your misery Heard it from her “I only sound sad When my battery runs low” And he said “Fire should frighten” But he was the fearless one He smelled it burn his hair But He could keep it all in In and out of this silly situation Somewhere back in Caroline Daddy is saying “nothing happens but the Best for you and I” And I have an ignorant story That comes from my ignorant mindset I didn’t know- I just voted Blue Red Makes no difference here Instead green Smoke in the kitchen In the fire she’s baking And “darling don’t refuse me. It’s better this way, you’ll see.” If I am a doll I am the kind That closes the Eyes when you Tip it back And I can’t see The misery in leaving me Misery is leaving me Walking down it’s leaving me Down the trail and leaving me
the things that can't be said those things are taped to the sound board and i don't want if i am unwanted which virtue haunts me i clutched reproduction and then out of the ghost and into flesh vendetta purity sin sensuality sensationalizes the indifference of bodily needs this creature of dust rises in a fit of coughing lays out incestual longing to love one's self in a hand mirror calculate in a hand mirror calculate the flowers' wrath (base it on the piston) wisdom gathers belief around to let it be known the fatality of concrete beliefs the dream swirl crowed sky folded over field in origami stress being wheel-chaired about by a naughty nurse swing low flesh vendetta (wait) i can hear that sinister sound of immigration and of assimilation and of leaving my accent leaving the colour sky and leaving the fields and the lovingly folded shit composted and then i go in in in and when i go in my head i feel like i am swimming too deep the pressure too close and the rumours are true and i am deep diving the staircase into my interior is spiral and coloured deep green deep green deep green like the forest of my birth there is no love, there is no strong emotion at all all the pieces of me doing different things as i go up up up then down then... direction confused and feeling my father in lullaby mode how he would reach for the radio "this is how i play music" drain me of my self pity angels have Aquanet haven't you seen highway to heaven? it explains my faith in chemicals the pale threads of existence dangle unassisted the aurora brings its canvas sky and spreads her blood who else besides me sees the brush strokes of remembrance?
I don’t think I should start like this I think I need to rearrange this I don’t think that I’ll tell you now I think I’d like to forget for awhile I had my drink I had my taste I had my haste Straight chased Corseted from the truth Here we go again I loved you then but This is now And I’ll you how I’ll get you Out of my system Breaking it off I had a gin And I had my fun And I had defiance
And then I was resentful I saw you there with Her in your hands And her in your hair And her words Her with her hair Her with her smile And it wasn’t me I mean… Why not me So quietly You destroy me
Background Lyrics Emotional Doormat doesn’t have to feel a thing This thing is pretended anyways I wish I wish my body would lend me space My anger is everywhere It needs a place It wasn’t me Is it you again I told you that I’ll never see your face again I close my eyes It will be as if you were never here I can’t taste if I did I would retrace every step back I’d know what left me so bitter So what? So bitter... isn’t everybody To ignore I implore I ignore even your breath.
With a silhouette I see what I was so foolish as To think I could protect This ode comes too soon for me But too late for you The door’s been closed There’s no going back
With no empathy I cut the cord Back so I could no longer Pace at your voice I am planted No-uprooted Laying superficial I’m on top
I stand at the door With a mirror Hey there Principal I could transport myself From this body so easy With some dye and an Hourglass Look at the time Got to fly
With no empathy I cut the cord Back so no longer Can I pace at your voice I am planted No- uprooted Laying superficial I’m on top Where you never wanted me I always wanted me right on top
You say that You thought I would miss you You thought I would need you All the kisses collected and bagged In the morgue I guess I didn’t tell you I didn’t need you I didn’t want to add yours to The list of “Everything’s ok Everything is just alright” Everyone knows it’s not…
You say you’re ok without me Not even that- you’re good I agree I am learning the muscles Just add the shocks to the spine Why did I never notice I wasn’t even Paying attention to what held you together
All this brave talk of flying for you Seems to be fluff because Bent on the highway where you Stuck out your thumb I wasted gas burning by To see And I’m broken and I’m taking off Remember that I’m taking off Remember that I’m on top
With no empathy I cut the cord Back so I can no longer pace At your voice I am planted No- uprooted Laying superficial I’m on top
There’s no looking back The door’s been closed Too late for you but Not too soon for me I think I could protect some things with An Hourglass I’m on top
Cherry Cream (The End of the Affair)
my heart is with you under all understood standing proud my heart is with you coloring canvas green a field remembering scene always back to that tree when i want to feel you near me it was ours in our dream now i don't know where you call home but where you are my heart is with you whatever do you mean it's just a mockery to me the times the troubles the growing stubble so tiresome his speeches so tiresome my answers are they vulgar as the question i nevermind myself my heart is with you over all understood
I cut it off myself And I never look back Anymore I cut it off And l leave it where I meant to I lose Held my head in my hands I don’t want to see What I’ll have no part in The sky is beginning to Make love with the horizon The orange and pinks Begin to merge but I…. I… Don’t believe in happy endings I don’t want to make trouble I can only see what I wanted With my soul in a ball I rolled it away And then the Cat came out to play And now there is no way To see an order Fade away Fade away Fade away